I want to drown in the beauty of this man…
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No drowning sweet heart!
I think you are wonderful and bravely honest and we need more people like you on this planet.
This time of year is indeed an introspective time and if you are not happy and calm entering it, it might be a hard time to go through. But energy and light will come to you! Relax into the melancholy, feel how it can’t harm you if you don’t let it and just let energy slowly seep back into to you.