Anxiety Ascending

Assignment week. I don’t like it! I have absolutely NO CONFIDENCE whatsoever!

The assignment is in two parts. Both parts require a 600 word essay. I’ve written about 550 words of part one, with no real belief that I am doing what is required of me AT ALL. And for part two I have a miserly 100 words written.

I have until midday on March 1st to hand my assignment in, but I’d like to hand it in before that. The structure of the course is that assignment deadlines run into the first week of the next block of study. That would muddy the water for me. Trying to focus on writing out two essays on two different subjects, whilst simultaneously beginning to study the first subject in the next block, which is Mozart. The study week for Mozart looks very intensive. This week on is requiring more hours of study time than any of the other subjects towards our second TMA (Tutor Marked Assignment). So I would really like to get the first TMA completed first before moving on to Mozart.

I’m hoping I will have the assignment submitted by Sunday at the very latest, as I am also thinking that the earlier I submit the assignment, the sooner I will get my mark and the VITAL feedback it will give me.

Here’s the crux of it. Yesterday was awful. It was great in one respect! Hearing and seeing Simple Minds for the first time in…well, in an online performance sense, since December, 2020 – when Jim, Charlie and Cherisse did the performance for the Nordoff Robbins Christmas thingy. But that wasn’t a true live performance anyway. Not like yesterday. So, let’s say two years! Very nearly an entire two years anyway. Last time I saw them live was March 9th, 2020…not that I’m counting days or anything. And all that stuff…all the “Jim hates my guts” shit instantly returned. Them doing Alive And Kicking and me thinking of “Ba na na na” and pointing at my shirt and Jim looking at me like I am the biggest fucking idiot put on this earth. And then in two weeks putting myself in front of him. I want to boak just thinking about it! It means far too much to me. Far too much.

But I pushed that all aside for study yesterday. Hours of pouring over study notes and looking at the assignment and going through the guide notes and referring to the module.

And just as I am writing this out – and having posted that we were 13 days away from Paris…UNLUCKY FOR SOME…the European leg of the 40 Years Of Hits tour has been rescheduled and now Paris is on May 6th. Bugger and damnation!! Fuck, fuck, fuckety fuuuuuck!

Oh, well…

And this morning I had a dream….nightmare…of a MASSIVE five inch in diameter spider was crawling around the top of my head. I don’t know what the fuck that was representing but it scared the fuck out of me. I had to stay calm and still and not let the spider get stressed so it could be slowly coaxed from off my head.

Metaphors, eh?

I’ve lost my train of thought with this post, and it hardly matters. Best crack on with whatever the hell I can do with this. I might come back later and edit or expand here. We’ll see…

2 thoughts on “Anxiety Ascending

  1. Crap news about he tour being set back but hey ho. Best advice I can offer re TMAs is just answer the question. They want you to mention the key points you have learned so far BUT do it in relation to the question. Dont get sidetracked,dont waffle and you’ll be fine.

    • I’ve got question one pretty much done. I’m at 585 words. For part two I’m about 350 words in. I wish “just answer the question” seemed that easy to me. But the question has such a broad scope, I’m finding it hard to be both succinct yet exacting.
      It’s hard to waffle with only 600 words but if anyone can manage it, it’s me! Lol.
      At other times I feel like they are asking me to answer something that could easily be answered in 400 words and spin it out to 600.
      Like, with part one. I am happy at 585….but do I stress over being 15 words short? Or is it better to be 15 words short instead of just repeating something I’ve already said?
      As I say, no fear of me running over more than falling short.

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