OMG! It is SUCH a drug! And I am such an addict! I know how stupid and pathetic it sounds but…perhaps it is all just link to all the good things I’ve felt in my life these past few years? It’s sad!
But, like tonight. I see him post and…I feel a high. “He’s posted! Yay! What’s he talking about? Oh, perhaps if I respond in the right way. Use the right phrase. Pick the right subject. Ask questions….He might respond. Oh, PLEASE let him reply to me!”
I KNOW!
And I try and just…I dunno. Respond quick. Try to think of SOMETHING that he might want to respond to.
My comment gets a like. “Yay! Okay, any minute now! Please reply, please reply, please reply. Talk to me, Jim. PLEASE?!”
Minutes tick by. Nothing.
Nope. Not going to happen.
“Has he replied to someone else?” Yep. “He hates me.”
“He’s bored of me.”
My euphoria of the initial posting then deflates.
I AM A DRUG ADDICT! HE IS MY HEROIN!
It’s terrible! Why am I like this? I actually want to cry that I am this pathetic and needy.
And I really shouldn’t talk about this openly. Confess publicly about how fucking pathetic I am. That I LITERALLY hang on the every word of this man.
Ridiculous!