He’s not. And it all falls quiet again.
WHY do I miss this man so much? Why am I so goddamn fucking clingy?!
And why am I going to 11 gigs? And flying to the other end of the world for three of them? And why is March so far away? (It isn’t really…it’s just been a loooooong time since a full gig – November’s Scottish Music Awards was a mere tease!)
And why am I asking all these questions?
Mornings don’t feel the same any more. I’d wake up, I’d check Facebook. I’d look to see what Jim had posted about that morning. He’d always have something interesting to say – as far as I was concerned! Something in the papers might have piqued his interest. Or there’d be a particular anniversary of a musical variety, either Simple Minds related or not. Perhaps a revered musician had sadly passed away. Or…he was back in Sicily … just … any number of things. Or, like the other day, a fan had got in touch and he deemed it worthy of a post, so all the other SM fans would see it.
But it would happen daily. Twice daily for a time (yep…he was a two a day man! Bragger! Lol).
All the fans theorise as to whether it is even Jim posting. I used to be convinced that it was. It came to a point he didn’t even deem to feel it necessary to end things with a “JK” sign-off. Now that sign-off is back.
Maybe he feels he’s done his bit? Kind of feels a little hollow then him highlighting the new breed of fans coming through, like young Paulus. The age of social media is at its strongest now, I think, and Jim now seems to be pulling back. His lips are sealed – click here for a SMO FB post of reference.
I may not be a seven year old (though many could argue I sound like one quite a lot!) but I am a mere five year old in mega fan terms. And it was Jim that absolutely pulled me in further. I’m not wanting it to sound like I was “coerced”. It really isn’t what I’m saying. But for me, that part of it, that public ‘tete a tete’….that connection to Jim directly…it really, really meant something special and precious. Like…he cared. And that you’re kind of…appreciated. Accepted. A part of things. Belong. I dunno.
Perhaps he missed his calling – his true calling as an actor rather than a musician? Perhaps I am utterly blind…had the wool pulled over my eyes and he’s just REALLY good at pretending. I hate thinking this way. Like he’s just actually…false. The way he writes the FB posts…I refuse to believe it. But…he’s a storyteller by trade. Perhaps it never really has been him writing the posts at SMO? Perhaps it was Kevin McCabe? Or some admin bot. Again…I don’t know.
And then I pour all my personal feelings and hang ups on it. It just feels like…something has been lost.
Combine it with my two recent deleted visitor wall posts and I am feeling decidedly ostracised.
Am I making demands? Am I asking too much? Is he just bored with us (me)? Has he always been and it’s just been another successful facade? And now he’s got so bored of the pretence he’s just walked away?
Answers on a postcard…
In the meantime, it’s 46 days to go until Copenhagen. Soundcheck experience. PRETEND YOU’RE HAPPY TO SEE ME, JIM!
And as you might be able to see, I’ve also lost my muse. Time without an iPad Mini and access to my art apps has exacerbated things. My apologies.
If I was ever any good to begin with.