It Still Just…Means So Much…

And it always will.

When this notification came in last night, I was looking at a post of his from July, 2016 about Somebody Up There Likes You and his friend George Golfi listening to it on his Walkman and saying they’d be nuts not to include it on the album. I was reading through the comments left on it…having clicked the link to it from here (this blog), as it was a post showing up on the stats that someone had viewed. I was a moment earlier looking at the Tracey Emin neon work that he chose to visually accompany his post that day. It reads “I promise to love you”.

All manner of things whirling through my head. Having a little earlier read a blog post on the Royal Academy site about Dali and Duchamp’s friendship, and it still playing so heavily on my mind. And looking at Tracey’s art, etc.

I’m only sharing what happened now because…I dunno. I questioned sharing it at all, to be honest. Even though it’s in the public domain…the personal impact was overwhelming.

I’ll get to my point!

Caught In A Dream. That early Minds song I shared yesterday, as part of a Weekend WhirliGIG post? Well, I mentioned in that post how much I wanted to ask Jim about it. So, with very little hope in my heart, I posted to the SMO wall and asked.

I never really expected a response. (I expressed as much in my opening sentence. I expected full well for that to be the case. See pic below.) I had given up all hope.

I posted early in the evening, with some vague dream that if he logged onto FB before retiring for the evening, he may see it. See it, and ignore it. But, perhaps possibly ponder it and give a response in the morning…if one would ever be forthcoming.

And so, as I was here, looking at my stats, and reminiscing somewhat on that post about Somebody Up There Likes You…this notification pops up on my screen (I tried to grab t as it appeared, but I wasn’t quick enough…hence this copy is 12 minutes old)

I almost did not want to look. I thought my heart was going to cease from over-beating and come pounding out of my chest! It was just like the feeling of the Hunter And the Hunted post some near two years earlier.

I was trying to calm myself…steel myself. Try to get my heart rate back to a normal rhythm before I took a look. What if he was just leaving a snide comment? Or worse…he was just going to berate me?! The thought is always there…

I wanted to look, but didn’t. And what if it was just a blooming emoji? What if “persona non grata/incommunicado” was just going to continue? In the seconds that followed…all that went through my brain. I took a minute, and then went and had a look….wound up to the eyeballs…panicked, pondering and being ever so slightly hopeful and anticipatory.

What follows is my post and his reply…

And so…to say that I can’t tell you want this response meant…MEANS…is just. Well, it’s silly, really. But after all the emotional turmoil I feel I’ve been through over the past week…it really just did mean EVERYTHING.

Just…all these other things in the past week:

Failing to become a blood donor. Hearing from Virginia Turbett. Birthday messages from Ronnie Gurr and Olivier Gerard. Compliments from Catherine. Compliments from Virginia about my painting. Making bad judgement calls about things. It all just culminated.

And then…Jim talking to me in what felt like…forever! It’s all a vast, vast overshare…and that is why I was…mixed about expressing it here.

But…it really does mean everything. And I still can’t quite believe it. I was and still am shocked.

Thank you, Jim ❤️

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