Well, I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the notification just after midday today, that this ACTUALLY got liked!
Which is now causing me to wonder whether my theory for a few weeks has been right? That ‘likes’ are happening for ‘appeasement’ sake?
Oh, I don’t want to sound ungrateful! And I am genuinely happy for the like. I just….miss him! I miss…more of the interactions and the “rapport”.
And then tonight he talks of Chrissie, and that green-eyed monster rears its ugly head. I really DON’T have this feeling with Patsy. I think Patsy and I would be great mates…and we would have a lot of fun taking the piss out of Jim. Lol.
But…I still feel the love Jim has for Chrissie…and…she is just…untouchably cool. She has more cool in her fucking pinkie fingernail than I have in my whole entire body. And…she absolutely does not give a flying fuck whether Jim likes her or not…but it’s obvious to all he still loves her. Obviously not IN love with her…but the stuff he mentioned tonight…the daughter they share…the grandchildren…a bond never to be broken.
And how very lucky she is. But, well…that’s what makes me most envious of Chrissie…the fact it is all past for her and life has just…moved on. Just a SPRINKLE of that self-belief, please?!
I dunno. Perhaps if I *was* actually GOOD at something, I WOULD have the self-belief?
Maybe these people just TRICK themselves into it? Maybe I just need to con myself? Except…they all have ACTUAL TALENT.
Ah…for a while, I was feeling good today…until I was reminded how…inept and inadequate as a human being I am…as someone who deludes themselves (to not much of a successful degree) into thinking they can be creative.