Mr Flirty 

Listen to him! Damn flirt! Lol. “Of course, it’s Valentine’s. And you know what that means?” 

I replied out loud saying “No?” Lol. And then my mind wanders to many and varying things it shouldn’t. Goddammn, boy! I’ll be playing that bit of the clip over and over in my head now…dreaming of being remotely confident enough to EVER flirt back with him, to his face…if I ever met him…if I ever allow myself to get anywhere near him. If I could trust myself not to be a complete gibbering idiot and nervous wreck. If I could borrow just a smattering of Ms Hynde’s “ice cool” nonchalance and add a dash of “sass”. 

But I’m me. Catherine’s two occasions of meeting me will bear testament to how I am. Nervous wreck. Socially inept. And that is with someone I admire but not place on a towering pedestal, worship like a god and wants to keel over and die at the mere notion of him making eye contact with me. Lol

It isn’t fame. It isn’t. I was SSOO like this with my first boyfriend…I say “boyfriend” – more boy “friend with benefit” – much more his “benefit” than mine. He was my neighbours brother. I asked her for his number. I would try and call him. I’d go to dial about 10 times…thinking my heart was going to give out. And when I’d finally have the courage to let the phone ring, and ask for him…I wouldn’t know what to say! I’d ask him over to mine…cos that’s what I thought I should do. He’d say no. Say he was busy or whatever. He was ssssooo not interested!

Two years! Two years it took. (This two years being – not us going on a date. That was never going to happen.)  How it finally happened…I don’t know. He obviously couldn’t get any anywhere else. Lol. He’d been at his brother’s wedding that day. What? There were no takers there? Poor little old me. Offered it up to him on a plate. I worshipped him. And blinded by that, I overlooked what I knew in reality it was. And it still hurts some (almost) 30 years later. It hurts…but I don’t blame him. Of course he was going to take it.

Oh, but I digress wildly and share too much (again). 

Just…I hope by May…if I actually do want to have the remotest chance of meeting this man, I grow some balls. Lol. METAPHORIC balls. Not ACTUAL ones! Lol

I don’t know what I’m saying anymore. Lol. Enjoy the clip…

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