Today I am trying to enrol in a Open University course. A diploma of Higher Education in English. It will lead on to Creative Writing then…who knows?
It SHOULD be a straightforward process online shouldn’t it? I wish I could just enrol and pay the fee and get on with it, but I can’t.
I need to call. And I need help. And I feel like if the enrolment is this perplexing and difficult and it has me doubting myself already, then how will I cope with coursework and study and all of that? What makes me think I can do this?
Two incredible people do, for one.
Scott, you get a shout out again! I honestly don’t know what brings you to this site day in and day out, but your engagement, continued support and faith in me, and your friendship, means the world.
My other dear friend when I told her last night of my steps to enrol told me she was proud of me. She actually said that! That she is PROUD of me. I am crying my eyes out now typing this, incredulous still that somebody should say such a thing! And I don’t want to let her down! I don’t want to let anybody down.
Last night talking about it, I was bubbling with excitement. Today, I’m scared. Just a small stumbling block and I am petrified.
Last night we spoke of Beckett. Of his words on failure.
I am determined to get stronger. I am determined to finally do the thing I have dreamed of doing for years. I am determined to try again. To fail again. To fail better!
Day one may already feel a fail. But I tried. And I will try again. Day two if I fail, I will fail better!