Fixing Things

As I am beginning to work through certain things…getting back to some sort of “balance” – I need to work at the writing.

A major part of the problem is not having somewhere comfortable to write but, hey ho! Not a lot I can do about it, really. It would be great to have a desk and a chair. I mean….I have a dining table and chair but that doesn’t really cut it.

SOMETHING needs to happen with this blog! I don’t know what. Because I really don’t know what it is falling into right now. It has become MUCH too personal – partly because I deluded myself that a certain Mr Kerr might come and visit this blog – which is just RIDICULOUS and I don’t want its main function to disappear.

Obviously when I started it, part of its main function was just to….appreciate Mr Kerr in all his…loveliness…but I also wanted it to be about Simple Minds in the broader sense…the music…gigs, touring, bootlegs…videos, magazine clippings, interviews, merchandise, etc. All that encompasses the band dynamic.

I want to have certain themes back too. Something for Minds Music Monday, still. Maybe something to do with gigs some time through the week. And I want to keep doing Kerrsday to some degree. Perhaps even limit the ogling (minus certain “breaking news” info) to strictly Kerrsday only. Lol. We’ll see how possible that one is!

This “lockdown year” held such promise. Life still felt like it was on an upwards trajectory for me at the start of 2020 – and I am trying to be reflective on that. Not be too mopey and let it drag me down. We’ve all gone through this as an entire world. I’m incredibly lucky in many ways to just be able to cope with the brunt of the storm. I count my blessings! I know things could be so much worse!

It’s altered the blog as a result too. No gigs to report on. Very little music news. When there was nothing really to report and lockdown began, I suppose it is how it drifted into the personal. And well, it IS my blog – ultimately. But there seemed to be a solid small following it had. I was proud of that. And I was proud of mentions it would get from other fans.

I’m getting too comfortable quickly turning to a “vlogger”. Vlogging was never something I ever really took into consideration. Writing was my main outlet and I guess I could kid myself I was good at it. I certainly felt I could express myself BETTER through it! Now, I don’t know. None of it feels quite right. I struggle with the writing at the moment. Not just for a place to feel comfortable to do it but…oh, just, I dunno. The expression in it has left me some. Vlogging feels better but in some ways takes up just as much time. It doesn’t allow as much expression – for me anyway – I just feel and sound like I waffle on about nothing and go off on tangents and can’t return to the train of thought I had. And before I know it, a video is 45 minutes long!

I could make bullet notes before I start, I guess, but then it would feel so staged and contrived. And I actually HATE recording myself! I’m an ugly c*nt and I don’t want to subject myself to my own face, let alone anyone else. And I don’t expect people to want to sit around watching an hour long video of my waffling about bullshit. MY PHONE’S STORAGE IS FILLING UP! Lol

So, this week I will try and work out something to do with bringing this thing back to…something. Something decent! Dunno. I wish the Mitchell Library was open again. I think it opens back up soon. I like the idea of it being my office. Going down there a few days a week and getting some writing done. I’m probably dreaming. I am too easily distracted by what goes on around me. I can’t “switch off”. I’ve always been like it. It’s the reason I can never read on public transport and when travelling. I need a quiet place to read to absorb the words on the page for the words to…sink in. Otherwise no books would ever stay there. I’d just be reading words and nothing would sink in. The story – the plot of the book (if fiction) would get totally lost on me.

Anyway. We’ll see. We’ll see how I can salvage this…