“I Will Meet You Under The Lights”.

Of course I have dreamed of meeting Jim even before he shared the link to John Grant’s Marz to me on St Patrick’s Day last year, but that heightened the notion. Because…he was giving me so much attention last year, I saw it as a personal thing…and read a message in the lyrics that are no doubt not there. I read all the “your sweet sixteen is waiting for you after the show….you’ll get your heart’s desire….I will meet you under the lights” as some kind of message that…one day, I may just meet him back stage.

And then, there were no dates for gigs in the UK. The year went on…and I just didn’t think I would have that chance. I asked him to meet me for doughnuts in Glasgow…ever hopeful he would come along and meet me. Lol. Fool! Why on earth would he want to? I got disheartened, but I never expected anything different. I had whipped myself up into a frenzy in believing that maybe…just…maybe he might…just the slimmest chance! But I knew in my heart of hearts it wasn’t going to happen.

Then by the Hackney gig…because of the way I behaved leading up to it (re: the doughnut date and his “no show” and my disappointment in it) and then having watched him on the stage…the eye contact game…I was just…mortified and petrified of meeting him. So I didn’t go back stage and try.

So…this leads me to Jim’s post tonight. 

I could understand Annick feeling disappointed. Her emotions were high. She was expressing a feeling. And the thing is…Jim apologised to her! Yes…he didn’t have to, but he did. And he explained why it happened. And it was very gracious of him.

Those who jumped down Annick’s throat? Okay…she may not have worded herself well (English is obviously NOT her first language)…but MOST of you replying to her had had the good fortune to meet Jim. Just about every person I saw replying said “Well said, jim. But….when I met you”…or words to that effect. 

Just imagine having waited 35 years…you’ve been to loads of gigs, but it has just NEVER happened (I’m not sure this is true in Annick’s case….I’m playing Devil’s advocate here). Wouldn’t you feel just a tad…down? 

And Jim felt it neceessary to apologise to her, so you lot can STFU too. There are two sides. YES! The band owe us NOTHING beyond performing for us for the concert we’ve just bought a ticket for. ANYTHING after that is a bonus. And you shouldn’t expect it! But it’s okay to feel a little sad about it. 

Having seen John Grant last Tuesday…prior to the gig, the fans I met, the GMFs, some had been to Hull and told me stories of meeting him and just how lovely and humble and gracious he is. After the gig, I sssooooo wanted to see if I could meet him, thank him personally…give my wishes and love to Oleg for him to pass on. I didn’t get the chance. And it was fine. 

BUT I GET IT!

CONVERSELY…

I get that Jim is tired. He’s had a long day. I don’t know how he sleeps (or more aptly…how anyone else sleeps on the coach as he must snore like a trooper!). He’s just had (not quite! Bone of contention here) 2 hours on stage. It’s past his bed time. He’s (whispers) 57…ticking on (another whisper) 58. Yes…there are 75 year old blokes bodybuilding…but we all age differently. I can’t get down on my knees like Jim does, and I’m 46! 

I wish SM still had private messages on because sometimes I think things like this would be better said one on one, between fan and band. Even just a personal reply to Annick on her wall post may have been better. I suppose Jim just wanted to make ALL fans aware. But it made Annick feel horrible. 

I know some will say “good”! There is a thin line between agreeing, and sycophantic point-scoring. Those who say “Oh, well said, Jim. When I met you in…[insert after gig moment/time/date]” feel a little…kowtowing to me. 

As I say, I get both sides! There have been plenty of pictures of Jim meeting fans so far. How they do it? Who knows? Great stalking skills. They know people…friends of friends of friends. They have been fans for years and are like old friends, like Chema (that photo of Jim hugging him was beautiful!).

I would love to meet Jim. I feel the clock ticking! I don’t have the time on my side that fans of 30+ years have had. I’m not trying to sound morbid or maudlin…it’s just a fact. At best, there maybe half the time left for the band (ie: 15 years). Anything can happen at any day. I can be hit by a bus tomorrow. When I’m dead, will I miss not having met Jim? No. These things only matter while we live.

I’m SSOO scared of being a gibbering idiot in front of him…not being able to be articulate…not laugh my stupid nervous laugh…look like an absolute fat dumpling, etc, etc. It’ll all be there in my head, distracting me from the moment, if it ever arises. 

It doesn’t have to happen. I have had SSSOOO much interaction with Jim already! The things he has done for me. The replies I’ve had from him. My art shared and signed. HE HAS ART I HAVE DONE ON HIS WALLS (supposedly)! Nothing could ever really top that! 

I would love to meet him…but I would be just as happy if he said my name. THAT is my dying wish. Just for him to say my name. I would love to hear that so much….

And there’s the dilemma. I may only hear him say it once I meet him! :-/ 

****IF**** I ever meet him….