Lament…

Well, this certainly has had the punters talking. And more so than any SMOG post can achieve. A shame the actual band page is all but abandoned now. It used to be so dynamic and wonderful! Even if a post like this makes me feel a little ostracised on a personal level – I’d much rather this on the band page than nowt!

The stats speak for themselves. Over 2.5k likes – 700+ comments, 80 odd shares on the post, as of 6.50pm this evening.

If Jim came back and played some pun games as well, I’d be a happy bunny. If … he would talk to me. If I could get affirmation. Yeah, okay…I get that I can annoy the boots off him but I used to feel, if nothing else, a level of tolerance. I don’t even feel that any more.

ANYWAY. I SHALL STOP FUCKING TALKING ABOUT IT! THE ONLY PERSON THAT IS ACTUALLY BRINGING ME DOWN ABOUT THIS FUCKING SHIT IS ME. AND THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN TRULY FIX IT IS ME.

In other news….I still think he is the most beautiful creature ever to exist. Below, a piece of banner art in all of his resplendent, naked-from-the-waist-up glory!

Also in other news – red bean paste swirled in yoghurt is as delicious as I was anticipating. YES…the tin is ACTUAL, proper red bean paste! Praise be.

I have also booked tickets for the reopening of the Riverside Museum on Monday. Yes!

Minds Music Monday – Space – Johnson Somerset Mix

I wanted to choose Space today because – I always wish to see Jim in my dreams. I spent the past few years before going to sleep, making that wish… “Please! When I go to sleep PLEASE let me dream about him. If I can’t get to be with him and spend time with him like I’d love to in real life, at least let me have it in my dreams. Please just let me dream of being with him!”

It rarely ever happened. And I honestly don’t know when the last time I dreamed about him was. I gave up asking. He’s as sick of me in my dwam state as he is in real life, it seems.

I don’t think I had ever heard this Johnson Somerest mix of Space before today. He always makes good mixes, some are naturally better than others, but I don’t think there has ever been one I haven’t liked.

Jim – I am trying to give you space, I really am. The last thing I have ever wanted is to bore you rigid. I fear that I have. So I am trying really hard to stop that from happening. But you post things and then…I just want to talk to you! And then I just pray that you’ll respond to me. Interact with me. Throw me a bone by responding to me.

And then I sound all super needy and clingy and I hate myself because I know that kind of stuff is stuff you detest. As I said before – to be enthusiastic is great, but to be OVER-enthusiastic is undesired.

Today is also the anniversary of something else that I don’t really want to think about or have happen ever, ever again. But it doesn’t stop me from living further back in the past. He started his post today with a quote from Kierkegaard …

Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward

Soren Kierkegaard

I don’t feel like I live too much forward. I spend too much time in the past. Steeped in what feels like “halcyon days” when the art was good, when I felt like I was going somewhere, when I felt that affinity, though perhaps it was a dwam too?

GAH! I’m so sick of myself! No wonder he’s sick of me too! If I’m not living in the past, I just want to live in dreams…

Sexy Songs Playlist

It was relatively easy to come up with a list of songs for this playlist topic – what will be more awkward is coming up with reasons behind my choices. Because with songs like these, the feeling is more visceral. It’s just about…a vibe. A groove of a song. I’ll do my best to try and explain it away.

Let’s Get It On:

It’s just the groove of it. That sensual soul sound. Slow guitar groove, soft drum playing. It’s like the body just does a languid slide as soon as the music starts. Like, I just feel like I’m melting…and then Gaye’s voice comes in with this almost pleading cry of pain like “MAAAAN! I need me some goddamn loving!”

Possibly Maybe:

Slow and languid…it’s all about the lyrics for me with this one. I would think for many the obvious Bjork choice would be Big Time Sensuality and it has a more danceable beat, but this song’s sexiness comes from the possibilities it offers up…the element of the “maybe”
‘As much as I definitely enjoy solitude / I wouldn’t mind perhaps spending a little time with you / sometimes sometimes’
No strings.
Then things obviously proceed because by the time we reach the final verse, nostalgia has replaced the excitement of the possibilities that await…
‘Since we broke up / I’m using lipstick again / I suck my tongue / In remembrance of you’
How fucking sexy is that line?

Lady Grinning Soul:

Mike Garson’s piano – flamenco string acoustic guitars – Bowie’s words painting a picture of a room, a boudoir with billowing muslin curtains and the most beautiful naked woman you have ever laid your eyes upon…
‘Skin sweet with musky oil’
‘Touch the fullness of her breast / feel the love of her caress / she will be your living end’
One of the most sensual songs ever recorded.

Move Closer:

I was 14 years old when this song came out and all I remember is just wishing so bloody much to experience something like that. I won’t sugar-coat it. My sexual awakening happened VERY early (Scorpio, see. We’re born gagging for it. Lol.). I was ready for a long LONG time before I lost my virginity. The thing that stopped me being lead astray by my minge was – I am painfully shy (yes…okay, maybe not so much now….I dunno…for me there is a distinction between being gregarious and friendly and being shy and feeling socially awkward) and …. fussy. I was not going to sleep around.
Hell, it didn’t stop me from wanting sex though.
Nothing ever changes. Some 35 odd years on and…
Life is cyclical.
But, the song wasn’t really about sex. It was about love-making. It was about that physicality of being with another. And to me it sounded like the most beautiful thing in the world and I wanted that so, sssooo much. But…it needs to be reciprocal. To be desired as much as you are desiring it.
That’s all I can say.

Let’s Spend The Night Together:

This song almost leads on from the previous – but it’s from the other viewpoint. It doesn’t pretend to be about love-making but it is from the point of YOU being the desired one. Someone saying to you “I need you and I am going to fuck your bones” – has anyone ever said that to me? Not that I ever recall. Not even the only long(ish) term boyfriend I ever had.

Again, it’s really no strings. “I need you….but this is one night, mind. I ain’t making any promises here!”

Are You Experienced:

The lyrics are actually quite ambiguous, really. I mean, is this song actually about sex? In the most ambiguous sense…yes. The sensuality of this is all down to Hendrix of course, the guitar playing, the delivery of the lyrics. The way he naturally oozes sex appeal.

Ain’t Nobody:

Checking the lyrics…I started crying. Silly cow! It’s hard for me to explain. Maybe I shouldn’t try to? For me, the sensual, the sexual, the visceral…it’s all wrapped up together. Sex, love-making, lust….all of it…all the same. No matter how much I try and get with the idea that the sexual experience needing only to be about the…release…of…stress, tension, etc…it’s always oh so much more than that. I’ve never had a one night stand in my entire life – and this is why.

Love Is The Drug:

And we cycle around again. This is absolutely about the one night stand experience. You want sex. A fuck. Get to a nightclub. Find someone willing to put out. Get your kicks. The end. “Love” is the drug? Let’s not confuse love and sex here! SEX is the drug. “Love” ain’t got nothing to do with it! Sometimes I really do wish I could just “score”. Just…get fucked and have done with it. Get it out of my system.

But I’d want more. Always more. Insatiable….

Jeepster:

I don’t know how Bolan does it…but he does. I mean…some of those lines…what the??? BUT…the important line. The one that just makes me just….fall to a puddle to the floor…the end…
‘Oh, girl I’m just a vampire for your love / and I’m gonna suck you’
I know he doesn’t mean it like that but…
I can’t help but think of that Not The Nine O’ Clock News song parody called “Kinda Lingers”

Life in Oils:

Sorry, Jim….but this is ssoooooooooo sexy! Your voice! All that panting and moaning. You do things to a girl with this one. I’ve said it. SUE ME, SIR…YOU GODDAMN SEXY BASTARD! And it’s not just your voice and the panting and moaning…the music is sexy too.
That talk on the radio station in America a couple of years back in which when recording Alive And Kicking you had this “heated debate” with Jimmy Iovine about changing the “you turn me on” opening line? You were worried about THAT?! I don’t believe you! YOU RECORDED LIFE IN OILS FOUR YEARS BEFORE THAT!
I’m sorry…but this is really sexy!

Celebrate:

Derek’s bass…my god! It is so, ssoooo sexy! And then just that little synth loop from Mick. I don’t know how that manages to be sexy…but it does. And Charlie’s guitar in the middle…
But again, Jim…every time he comes in with that “Act of love is a luxury”….and “the suit he wears belongs to me” – how that line is sexy, I don’t know. It’s just…a statement…a piece of info. But it’s kind of like “now…imagine that suit on me – how fucking sexy I am, and how fucking sexy that suit looks on me….are you wet yet?”
And then…the “she rag doll / keeps him warm” line. I keep saying it – I WANT TO BE THAT RAG DOLL!!! ERMAGEEEEEERD! I want to be that rag doll more than anything in this world!
But the thing that makes Celebrate just as sexy is….the escape. The running away. The celebration of life. We’re alive! Let’s celebrate. RUN! And…how Jim delivers those lines. God, I could eat him!

Silent Kiss:

It’s a yearning song, really. But I find it sexy too.
“And when we were kissing / the fear was missing / and it all felt natural…yeah / no hesitation / when those vibrations started to feel incredible…yeah / I’ve been waiting anticipating / because it all seemed magical”

I mean….how the hell is that not sexy? COME ON!!

From lust to love back to lust and then love again. Intertwined. I can’t separate it all out.

Sexy songs. Sensual songs…elements of love in them…but mostly they just give you the overriding feeling of wanting to fuck and be fucked.

Well, perhaps not so much Silent Kiss. I shouldn’t have that one in. As I say, it’s more a yearning song…for intimacy, togetherness….not necessarily lust. But I’ll keep it on the list anyway.

A couple of other contenders too…

Spotify playlist:

Retreating To My Own Space

Where I can no longer “offend” the likes of someone who has decided to name themselves after a potato. So, Maris Piper, et al – and whomever I keep on seemingly offending at Simple Minds Official – I’ll stay right here and just respond to posts within my own space.

To be honest, all the wonderful dynamic that was there up until recently has all but gone anyway. I don’t know exactly what caused it. Perhaps an amalgamation of things – Jim’s dad, the changing of record companies, other high profile things that will never get a mention on this page (as unlike a lot of other fans who seem to revel in that kind of gossip, it is DEFINITELY NOT me). It feels all very….estranged, the way the FB page feels to me now, so it’s best to leave it.

Anyway, Mr Kerr posted about venues. Indoors, outdoors, small or large – he seemed to give off the air that nothing ever phases him. He’s ready for anything. Something he’s been saying, really, since 1983 and this short interview at one of the European festivals.

My response is as follows (I actually posted it in the comments but then decided to remove it and post it here instead. Keep it all within my own space.) Worded as if I am replying to him directly – which I was when I posted it…but, hey ho.

———————————-
Inside the Kelvingrove on Saturday was pretty amazing. One to consider for the future. (I was praying you’d play the bandstand this year too.)
From a small-ish (ish – your fave appendix!) 1700 capacity venue (Vega, Copenhagen) to a Winery (Binbadgen, Hunter Valley) – I’ll be experiencing SM shows in all manner of settings. And you guys always deliver at every kind of venue.
———————————-

That sentiment expressed in the last sentence is not meant to be perceived as sycophancy – it’s true! They knock it out the park every time. But…perhaps I do wear rose-tinted glasses. Who knows? I don’t feel as though I do.

Obviously, you can see his post on SMO FB to read exactly what he said.

In the meantime…34 days until Copenhagen…

I’m Done…

The last thing I’ll ever post to the wall. Might as well have kept my arse blocked if I can’t even put the odd jovial thing on the wall without it being deleted.

Anyone would think I am dissing the band and telling them they’re shit and they should retire and their songs are shit and they can’t play to save their lives… and NOT “I’ve booked a ticket for my 12th gig this year and can ya gisa kiss, Jim”! I was fucking joking … the kiss thing is just some silly humour for God’s sake!

So… I’m done. Whoever you are, thanks. Thanks for making one fan feel like they’re not good enough. Hope you’re happy.

Like A Hole In The Head…

I know I’ve said it before…I keep saying it! (Something Jim said about Lou Reed and amplifiers springs to mind!) But…I MISS THE INTERACTIVITY! I miss Jim.

Looking back on my blog last November, it is just full of FB posts from Jim and me just responding to what he was talking about and it is all still just so lovely.

Yes, they were touring at the time but that makes it even MORE amazing to me…that he takes the time to write those posts and interact when on the road.

Earlier in the year, he started to elude to the fact that maybe he’d take a step back from the social media side of things. And I wasn’t the only one who seemed genuinely crestfallen by his supposition.

Supposition of his stepping back now feels like it is pretty much fully manifest. The recent founding of the Simple Minds Official Group the most obvious display of that.

I feel now that he was probably “letting us down gently”. All that talk about thinking it may appear he likes the sound of his own voice, etc (a post he wrote called My Lips Are Sealed). The undercurrent now seems, “I think I may just spend a little too much time with the fans and doing this ‘interaction’ lark.”

But it is what ALWAYS made being a Simple Minds fan that much more special. And I know I say that time and again, but it’s true!

And it has always been such a special part of the fanbase. All the stories long-time fans have. They make me envious because they sound like magical times and halcyon days.

And I suppose I had my time in the sun too. All those amazing things. The art being shared and feeling like Jim was doting on me. Lol. I’m not ashamed to say that it sssoooooo went to my head (and heart!). Me, in spite of myself, starting to believe that there was some kind of…symbiosis/mutual appreciation thing going on there. I love him – he loves me. Lol. Oh, how I wished!

But so much more beyond that giddy fangirlyness. There was wonderful and “serious” repartee that we had. Well, I felt anyway.

But over the past nine months it has slowed down further and further. And I have to stress here that I KNOW and understand he had more pressing priorities taking precedence. I don’t want this to sound like a whinge-fest. I’m trying not to have it come across that way!

I just…miss him. I miss the things he’d talk about. Just…any topic. Whatever piqued his interest that morning. Something he’d read in the news…on the Guardian website, or … talk of a Minds anniversary of some sort. Seeing a gig himself. Or going to a movie. Reading a book. Music. Just…heroes of his and things.

And the silly things from way back too. The silly pun games and things.
And I didn’t expect him to respond to ME all the time. And he’d reply to others too and it was always good to see.

The year is winding down again and it’ll soon be Christmas. And things naturally would go quiet on SMO over the Christmas period and into the New Year for a few weeks. And … well, the end of February seems a long way off. But it isn’t that long I know. It’ll soon be here.

And hey! I have a house to move into and probably a trip to Oz to sort out and then…maybe it’ll all kick in again?

Maybe he’ll start posting a bit more regularly again and interacting with us sad, pathetic fans again? We’ll see in about 120 days time, I guess…

In the meantime….the Clyde at Christmas? …

I’m Done – Prip Has Left The Building

I didn’t see the point of SMOG. I mean…the posting thing? I’m not concerned for myself. I don’t feel I have anything much to this group to contribute to be honest. I tend not to with any of the SM groups. Not posting to them myself anyway. Not very often. But I comment on posts and interact with others and get involved in discussions and the like.

Nothing about that on SMOG is much different to any other SM group at the moment. If anything, the official group could learn A LOT from the existing groups…where fans are free to post things and feel included.

Yes, the other SM groups are closed groups, for the most part. But the interactions and discussions fans have within those groups are great. And there is a SM group to suit everyone. And you don’t feel compelled to contribute, but you still feel part of something. There’s a spirit to them!

SMOG is a strange beast. A walled garden that people can peer into. We’ve all been given the tools to contribute, but only a selected few have been allowed to maintain the splendour of the garden. I am speaking in metaphor, yes.

Here is the stat. Today there has been a solitary post. Yesterday also just the one post. The first few days several posts were shared. There has been a total of 428 posts to the Simple Minds Official Group and just 14 post have been filtered through from the fans…the majority of those in the first 48 hours of the group being up and running. FOURTEEN in over FOUR HUNDRED posts submitted. Really?

I understand what they are trying to do. But, it just isn’t dynamic enough and fans are feeling quite…well, ignored, basically.

Either make it more apparent you want the “creme de la creme” of fan posts…or just be a little more easy with things and filter some more posts through, for heaven’s sake! This “creme de la creme” approach would make sense if all the posts so far were to…”a standard”…but they vary wildly. So…SHARE SOME MORE POSTS!

Make people feel included. And if or when that happens, I may feel like wanting to be part of it again. But for now? I’m oot.

Rant over.

SMOG – You Can Sense It In The Air…

Well, what the Simple Minds fandom really needed was yet ANOTHER Facebook group.

Sigh.

I’m already in f*** knows how many. But the latest is “official”. Excuse my initial cynicism but…what’s the objective?

Simple Minds Official for band news only? Jim posts there. Fuck all the wonderful interactivity that used to happen? No more visitor wall? All that is now meant to happen at Simple Minds Official Group (aka SMOG…aka Fans In The Mist)?

Only today did I look on my blog as to what I am pretty sure was my last piece of interactivity with Jim. I’d posted on the visitor wall about a review of a gig from back in the day from a guy called Johnny Waller. Jim had responded and talked about Johnny, saying he’d run a local fanzine and also mentioned Lindsay Hutton too. He said he’d wondered what happened to them. Of course, like a good little researcher/investigative journalist I went on a search and found out for him.

As always, it was a lovely exchange that I’m always so appreciative of. That was in February. It’s now nearly September.

I know he has his dad’s health to consider. I am always mindful of it.

But even at his most busy times, Jim always seemed to take the time to interact. I mean hell, one exchange we had he was in the middle of the Night Of The Proms stuff in Germany leading up to Christmas 2016. I had mentioned an interview in which Noel Gallagher sang the praises of David Bowie’s latter work. Something Jim has rarely expressed being a fan of.

He replied to me…with a rather extensive response, and it was amazing. Those exchanges I absolutely cherish!

I worry that SMOG is the signalling of change…and not necessarily for the better.

It feels like the magic is being slowly sucked out of things.

I shall see how things go…but unlike when I first started to be around the fanbase and Jim was around and as he got more aware of me things just…evolved and there was that great chunk of interactivity…it has all but dried up. Yesterday’s news is now today’s fish supper wrapping.

Adios amigos…

Flown off on those angel wings.

As for me interacting with fellow fans? Well…there’s…oh, take your pick…SMI, New Gold Dreamers, Fans, Fans Club, Fans Club Italia, Sardinia, Spain…on and on and on…

Not to mention fan pages just for Jim…

And one on one and private chat, etc, etc.