I wish I could believe this. I wish it felt this way for me, but it rarely has. There is a distinct and marked bias towards fans that have been around for a long time. To espouse the notion that there isn’t…? I myself don’t see it.
I entered the Simple Minds fanbase with a LOT of trepidation. I was scared of exposing myself to yet another ‘clique’. I had enough of ‘cliques’ at school. (When I was there.)
I have made amazing friendships! I mean, geez, one of those lasting friendships sees a friend of mine having been living with me for the past several months (and continuing still). Without Simple Minds, we’d have never met. I guess we bonded from both being ‘Johnny-come-latelys’. Birdy didn’t rekindle her love for SM until 2013, and myself, just a year later.
For me? I was fairweather at best before that. Only ever invested in buying one album (Once Upon A Time – actually, it was a requested gift) and would borrow albums from the library (thank you, Andrew Carnegie!) if I wanted to listen to other things of theirs over the years.
I have had mixed dealings with other fans. Some great friendships, but also the opposite of that. You can’t like everyone, and you can’t be liked by everyone. This fact I am aware of and accept. And I feel that the band members themselves can blow hot and cold…but I guess that’s fair enough. I’m sure feeling pressured to be “on” all the time gets…wearing.
Factoring in all of that…I don’t feel much a part of things right now. I have felt this way for several months. I don’t feel keen to input much in any of the fan groups I am a member of – and I am only a member of three these days when I used to be a member of…I don’t know how many! Lol.
I feel ostracised from the fanbase (and the band) and I feel reluctant to push my blog at all – esp. at the moment as the content is such a mixed bag and seems to be veering further and further away from being a Simple Minds blog – and I wish this wasn’t so. I’ve always felt a surge of cringing in pushing my blog, always fearful it would come across as posturing – which I guess it is. You’re excited to share this thing you spend time creating. And if you feel you’ve got a scoop, then you’re excited to share that too. But all that is gone. All that bravado and gallus – it’s just all gone.
My blog now feels like my retreat. My ‘quiet place’ for expressing my love for this band. For a long time I felt a reciprocation went on – I loved them like no other band, and they appreciated my devotion – but I am just one hen in a battery farm coop.
I certainly don’t feel the kind of reciprocation Dan feels. But then, why should I? I haven’t been around since…nineteen canteen. I am NOT WORTHY. I can’t travel back in time. I can’t start my fan journey from the point that I wish with all the hindsight in the world I *could* have started it from!
In Gordon’s post, he asked what our favourite fan images have been so far… there have been a few for me. And one of my own. It’s not even the best photo but it has a significance for me that I feel reluctant to elaborate on. I wanted it to say something to me within the context of what is going on in it. For one – Jim is smiling – I can’t express how important that is because I genuinely feel as if I don’t really give him many (any) reasons to smile. I’m smiling too, but I otherwise abhor the way I look in the photo. I didn’t even care about the photo ops on the meet and greets…they were only ever a means to an end of getting a fleeting bit of time in the presence of someone I wish I could be allowed to have all the time in the world with.
Other than my own crappy photo, it would be this one (below mine). I just like the atmosphere of it, and the anonymity. It was taken in Porto in April.
