Missed It By That Much

I really wish more than anything in this world that I had memories from this tour…but I wasnae a die hard fan then. Sadly.

I have so many regrets…

I LOVED Get Smart as a kid. Even ended up with a crush on Don Adams. Lol. How insane is that?

Someone Somewhere In Summertime With LDF

Had a go at tidying up the image of Jim in the SSIS fold-out poster with the 7” vinyl. Don’t know if any of you guys have a crease proof copy, but I don’t…and I have three of them! Lol.
30+ years of being folded up will do that.

The crease stubbornly would fall all down the left side of his face across his eye (and when I say the left side…I mean from his perspective). I tried tidying it up years ago, but thought I’d have a fresh go…and just added a few other “improvements”. (Not so much with him…it’s impossible to improve upon perfection…)

The fresh attempt was spurred on by someone viewing my original attempt of “improvement” a couple of days ago.

58 Today…

Well, he *would* have been.

Time heals, they say. But it doesn’t. It gets harder. Well, it gets harder for me. With every passing year I miss him more and more.

And maybe now…just maybe…with me finally trying to do all the things I’m doing and having some kind of (still meaningless) purpose. Trying not to make my life a TOTAL waste of oxygen, he’d have not been so disappointed in me.

I’m sorry I let the bullies win for so long, David. I love you more than you will ever know and I miss you so, so much.

Sorry for the personal post. I post about him here because I don’t want my family to see how much it hurts me still (they never come to this blog).

I find this picture of him most curious because I could never imagine for the life of me David giving a speech…or even being remotely conformable doing so…or having more than five words to say. Lol. You must have given the shortest speech in history, bro.

Repetition…

I’m going through illness again. Bear with me as I try and pull myself out. Things may be quiet here for a bit. There’s not really anything to report on the SM front. Jim says they are working on new music (which is fabulous…of course I am excited. As excited as my heart and mind are allowing to be at this time) but for the fans it’s very quiet.

I hate that psychobabble phrase “It’s okay not to be okay.” I know what they are trying to say and what they mean. But right now I’m not okay AND I AM NOT OKAY WITH THAT! I want to punch myself in the face! I am angry at myself for not being okay. Because when I am not okay I am full of apathy and the lowest self-worth. I’m never exactly high with that at the best of times…

So I do stupid things like this endlessly when I feel ill. Because…his face and his beauty is the only thing that makes me feel okay.

And I know I sound ridiculous and pathetic and I hate myself for it. I just descend into a hole, down a well and sometimes I feel like I’ll never get out again.

I hate not being okay…