Feeling “Part Of It”?

Not always. Not often at all, really. It just brings home to me the years missed.

And…Jim felt like the glue that bonded the fanbase together. We talk with each other THROUGH him, so to speak. I miss that part of the interactivity soo much! That he was the catalyst.

I see little point in SMOG otherwise. It’s just another SM group, and I’m in enough of those already and don’t feel much of a part of things as is.

Sorry…I’m just having a “woe is me” moan/whingefest.

*sigh*

Like A Hole In The Head…

I know I’ve said it before…I keep saying it! (Something Jim said about Lou Reed and amplifiers springs to mind!) But…I MISS THE INTERACTIVITY! I miss Jim.

Looking back on my blog last November, it is just full of FB posts from Jim and me just responding to what he was talking about and it is all still just so lovely.

Yes, they were touring at the time but that makes it even MORE amazing to me…that he takes the time to write those posts and interact when on the road.

Earlier in the year, he started to elude to the fact that maybe he’d take a step back from the social media side of things. And I wasn’t the only one who seemed genuinely crestfallen by his supposition.

Supposition of his stepping back now feels like it is pretty much fully manifest. The recent founding of the Simple Minds Official Group the most obvious display of that.

I feel now that he was probably “letting us down gently”. All that talk about thinking it may appear he likes the sound of his own voice, etc (a post he wrote called My Lips Are Sealed). The undercurrent now seems, “I think I may just spend a little too much time with the fans and doing this ‘interaction’ lark.”

But it is what ALWAYS made being a Simple Minds fan that much more special. And I know I say that time and again, but it’s true!

And it has always been such a special part of the fanbase. All the stories long-time fans have. They make me envious because they sound like magical times and halcyon days.

And I suppose I had my time in the sun too. All those amazing things. The art being shared and feeling like Jim was doting on me. Lol. I’m not ashamed to say that it sssoooooo went to my head (and heart!). Me, in spite of myself, starting to believe that there was some kind of…symbiosis/mutual appreciation thing going on there. I love him – he loves me. Lol. Oh, how I wished!

But so much more beyond that giddy fangirlyness. There was wonderful and “serious” repartee that we had. Well, I felt anyway.

But over the past nine months it has slowed down further and further. And I have to stress here that I KNOW and understand he had more pressing priorities taking precedence. I don’t want this to sound like a whinge-fest. I’m trying not to have it come across that way!

I just…miss him. I miss the things he’d talk about. Just…any topic. Whatever piqued his interest that morning. Something he’d read in the news…on the Guardian website, or … talk of a Minds anniversary of some sort. Seeing a gig himself. Or going to a movie. Reading a book. Music. Just…heroes of his and things.

And the silly things from way back too. The silly pun games and things.
And I didn’t expect him to respond to ME all the time. And he’d reply to others too and it was always good to see.

The year is winding down again and it’ll soon be Christmas. And things naturally would go quiet on SMO over the Christmas period and into the New Year for a few weeks. And … well, the end of February seems a long way off. But it isn’t that long I know. It’ll soon be here.

And hey! I have a house to move into and probably a trip to Oz to sort out and then…maybe it’ll all kick in again?

Maybe he’ll start posting a bit more regularly again and interacting with us sad, pathetic fans again? We’ll see in about 120 days time, I guess…

In the meantime….the Clyde at Christmas? …

The Icing On The Cake…

Oh, but I am still missing the “cherry on top” – the reply comments. I miss that element. It feels like a positive reinforcement when it happens. When it stops or doesn’t happen for a while I tend to think “Oh, he’s as sick of me as everyone else is! Lol.” And then I tend to take it personally, because I am a needy, clingy idiot. (Just being an honest, gov)

This springs to mind…

Though perhaps this is more appropriate?

Pondering on the idea of what kind of person I am….lips wise? You know…bizarrely – my lips have only ever been the only part of my body of I have been…”proud” of? If I can phrase it that way. The only part of my body I thought was any good, anyway. Do I overuse them? I guess, maybe. I dunno. I’m probably a self-centred blow hard. I’m sure I come across as loving the sound of my own voice!

A negative result of me wanting to express positivity and enthusiasm, no doubt. Bore people fucking shitless. Lol. The thing is…I feel much more expressive with the written word. Face to face, I tend to clam up.

The last time I was out in Oz and at a family gathering at my sister’s house…after a while she said to me, “God, you’re so quiet! Why aren’t you talking?” I was kind of taken aback that it seemed strange to her that I was so quiet. Was I really that much of a gobby kid? Perhaps I was at home.

My response to her? “I dunno. It’s just how I am. I’m just happy being here and just being with you guys.” And that really was it. I didn’t have much to say. Nothing really to input or discuss and was just happy to be with my family. It had been a long time at that point. Some eight years since my previous trip home.

Anyway…there we go. Time to shut up! I wouldn’t have mentioned any of this talking to anybody face to face.

What type of person am I? One who tries to have a positive outlook (but with recurring bouts of mental illness, it’s not always easy) and tries to have a positive effect on those around her. I just try to be the best I can be…and I probably do woefully at it.

But, I am who I am…warts and all. My foibles are many, but I hope I am a good person…even if I send everyone crazy.