I have a very bad habit of living in the past. Something very good in the present will happen to me – of the times I allow myself to actually LIVE in the present – and then I smother it. Hold on to it with everything I have because I don’t want to lose that feeling. So fearful that I may never feel it again.
And so it is with this. It’s the third anniversary of this taking place today. Would it even mean this much to anybody else? Probably not. For most it would just be deemed a little “added extra” to an otherwise good day. Or perhaps a nice touch to a mediocre day. Either way, their day would have just been somewhat enhanced…a little.
For me though? It felt as though I had been defibrillated. Quite literally. The pace my heart ran at upon waking up and seeing this on the morning of January 5th, 2016 was nothing short of life affirming. It actually felt like I had been brought to life.
But how silly is that? I mean what exactly was it at the end of the day? Just some little doodle I made that some rock star liked? In the grand scheme of things…what did it actually mean and achieve? It’s just a poster. History.
Don’t mind me…I am in the stranglehold of melancholy right now.
I need to find my happy place again. And I am really not sure where that is right now. If I am still needing a crutch, then I haven’t found it, have I? Is it just an illusion? The “happy place”? Utopia…
I’m starting to go through the process of tidying up my Flickr account. With something like 20,000 photos in there, it is getting to be quite a trawl looking through them for a specific photo.
Yesterday I started with a folder of all the black and white SM pics up to 1984, today I started a folder of all the interactivity with Jim (either myself, or with other fans) that I’ve screengrabbed from FB.
My own interactivity with Jim started much earlier than I thought. This is from Friday, 13th (an omen!) March, 2015. Well over three and a half years ago! I don’t know why but in my head I didn’t feel the interactivity really kicked off with him until after I started sharing the art…but it actually was happening before that.
Aawww! It made me all warm and fuzzy inside! Lol! Look at him telling me to “calm down”! Little did he know. Little did he know…
Not long now before I can ask him again. Lol
Thank you, Sir. I treasure them all. Every single one ❤️😊
Good morning everyone, and welcome to a new edition of…
I WANT TO BE JAINE! Lol
Remembering halcyon days with a rainbow of hearts…
Back when I could dream he loved me. Lol
Will have to do something with these…
Such a wonderfully written piece by Sir today. I still have that envious feeling! Like I did when I read the Bowie biography I read years back. Through the hectic MainMan years…and, oh, to have been Coco Schwab! What an amazing life she’s had, being by his side.
Of course, the bit that tugs at me in particular today from Jim’s piece is the mention of Jaine Henderson as part of “the gang”. Not only was she their lighting girl in those early days…but she was Jim’s girl too. A lucky girl! In that “boys club” and oh, what a boy to have as “your boy”!
From what she said in the Adam Sweeting book, she had very fond memories, but it was kind of bittersweet. She felt on the outer of that “boys club” – which I’m sure she did…but I would gladly swap with her! Not just because of Jim…but just, the whole thing. To be around in those early days and be part of that “gang”. I have always had this…magnetic pull? Affinity? Yearning? …to be in a circle of men – and I mean that in the purest non-sexual way! It’s probably just down to having older brothers, and feeling their influences…and being the most “tomboy” of girls. Always running about topless, in shorts, (I liked a pretty dress, don’t get me wrong! But shorts and no shirt was my “summer gear” lol.) riding a bike, playing cricket…loving cars and bikes.
And it makes me miss my brother, David. I had not seen him since 2007 and I missed him so…and then he got taken away. Oz was really hard last year in that respect. I just kept expecting to see him at some point. That he’d come walking through the door, in this quiet, dour way. He was always so laconic. But what I would give to have an hour with him now! Nick Offerman reminds me so much of David. He makes me laugh so much…it’s the moustache, the eyes…and all that…quiet staring, but the wry smile. The dry, dry wit.
Thank you for the “nostalgia” trip, Sir. Yes, nostalgia did you, AGAIN! Lol. But it did me too as a consequence…
Happy Minds Gig Anniversary, kind, wonderful Sir :-))