It Was Just A Silly Joke

Not meant to be taken seriously.

Let me explain.

As I was travelling back home to the UK I posted to the SMO FB visitor wall about having Jim greet me at Glasgow Airport.

I can’t remember what I wrote exactly. I was on the plane at the time and hadn’t slept for some time so I can’t recall exactly how I worded it. But I had joked in the comments of a post written a few days before about him greeting me at the airport.

This post to the visitor wall was a “reminder” – you know “tomorrow, 3pm, be there or be square” kind of thing. Just a silly thing. Light hearted.

So why was it deleted? Who got offended by it? Was it the mention of a certain Glasgow doughnut shop? I don’t work on commission for them!!! Simple Minds have no trouble with me mentioning the band everywhere else… or running this blog as a massive advert for them.

I know I am being oversensitive worrying about why it was removed but I just get miffed about this crap.

It was just starting to feel nice again. Jim was starting to post a bit more and those months of feeling persona non grata were going away… and now this!?

I dunno. Why do I bother?

As petty as a post like that is… you just do it for a bit of fun. When it gets deleted, it feels like a kick in the guts. Like, “Oh FFS, what have I done wrong now?!” Are you just trying to tell me to fuck off? Well… just tell me to fuck off then.

Meh. Never mind, eh?

Let’s just count the days until Copenhagen and delude myself he still likes me. If he ever did.

Hame Time

Currently at Sydney Airport. Shortly about to board a United Airlines flight to San Francisco. About 30 plus hours of travel ahead with connections included.

See you on the other side.

Time for hame…

Going Home…

Today I booked a Lufthansa flight home. From newest home to first home…

Glasgow to Frankfurt
Frankfurt to Hong Kong
Hong Kong to Sydney

A total of around 28 hours travel time with 22 and a half hours of flying time.

I leave on December 8th – which is now cancelling my trip to Germany and my two Stranglers gigs. It also means what should be my first Christmas in Glasgow will be spent roasting away in hell.

And I want to go back NEXT YEAR just to see a few Simple Minds gigs? I must have fucking rocks in my head!

And so while I try to deal with both a house move AND a flight to the other side of the world in the space of three weeks… I’ll be needing the music of this amazing band and the beauty of this beautiful, beautiful man (sorry, Jim…you’ll just have to deal with the endless adoration, buddy!) to keep me calm, (relatively) sane and tranquil.

I owe him so much from last time. I’ll need him again…

It’s Kinda Quiet…

Again. I mean…we’ve got the tour coming next year. LITCoA recently came out. The “40” compilation is released on Friday – the day after I turn 49 (HELP! Lol)

They’re at the Scottish Music Awards at the end of November.

And of course there are other extenuating circumstances why things have been quiet.

And on a personal level – the blog is taking a back seat while house-hunting take precedence. I’ve been up and down the country like a yoyo these past two weeks. Up to Glasgow, back to Luton for a day, then down to Bristol and further south west to Devon, back to Luton for a few days and just back last night from another fleeting visit to Glasgow.

I wanted to review seeing Toyah in Bristol last Sunday but I just feel like it’s non stop right now. Exciting, don’t get me wrong, but draining also.

We lost out on one property and we’ll be going for another this week. I think the Scottish market is really healthy right now. It feels it. There is pretty of stiff competition with other buyers out there right now. It’s a seller’s market for sure.

So currently my head just swims with decisions on making offers, how much for, etc, etc. “Offers over…market value…look at the home report…Google Maps Street View reccy…is it worth travelling 400 miles to view it with my own eyes?” Etc, etc…

“Where are the good parts of Glasgow?” Just…endless factors to consider.

Barely had time to do any professional ogling of late. Lol. Though the visit to Devon was to see Virginia and get some “professional” ogling in. Lol. But nothing is happening for me artistically. Don’t know the last time it was when I worked on any art.

I would love it if my next visit to Glasgow was an actual move but who knows?

Yesterday I was in the Flying Duck having an early tea before setting off for Luton (I keep going to say “home” when referring to Luton and then stop myself because I want Glasgow to be home). I walked in and they were playing Talking Heads…and then this came on and it felt SSOOOO apt!

And then tonight discussing all the whys and wherefores with the OH, this came on the radio…

We’ll see later in the week, I guess. And perhaps there might be a bit more SM news too? Or Jim will come back. It’s silly to say how much I miss him…but I just do. The interactivity on SMO is just not the same without him being around.

Lucky I have house-hunting to take my mind off things, I suppose…

In Dreams We Are Helpless

I have been sleeping-in lately. Demanding dreams from my subconscious. Every night before I fall asleep, I pray that I’ll dream. Good dreams. Dreams that once awake and I have even just a fraction of lucidity of the dream, that it’ll turn to fruition.

This morning I had dreams.
In the first I was with Jim and Charlie. And we were sitting around, chatting and laughing. I cannot tell you how much I wish for that to be real! Or to continue to dream it over and over again every night.

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The other is a VERY rare occurrence (dreams of Jim – with or without Charlie – are rare enough these days). My mum. I couldn’t tell you the last time I dreamed of her. But this one will haunt me.

It was loaded with metaphor and symbolism. I had been contacted by what appeared to be government authorities and/or health professionals. She was meant to be in care…but she wasn’t. She was on her own in this remote, desolate place completely unfamiliar to me.

She was roaming around outside. I’m not sure how I was seeing this as I was, but these people were showing me video footage of her. Like…CCTV footage…but this place was so remote. Maybe it was being recorded from a drone? I don’t know. Certain things in dreams make no sense.

I digress. She was roaming around outside. Working. Walking around finding weeds and rubbish. She was carrying some kind of tool. Not a light thing. And she look as she did when I left in 2016. Thinner than I have ever seen her in my entire life. When I went home in 2015…I hadn’t seen her for eight years and she had became a shell of herself. I had never, ever seen her so thin. I don’t think she had been that thin since she was a child. The shock of it stunned me for days. It took days for me to get my head around this woman who looked like my mum but was waaaaay thinner than my mum had ever been was indeed my mum!

I digress again. These two people – a man and a woman – showing me her on the monitor (I sensed I was watching live footage, or very recent recorded footage…mere hours old) were saying “She won’t rest. She’s doing too much. She just wanders and wanders.” And I am sitting there thinking “habit of a lifetime, guys. She’s been like this since time immemorial. All the years I have known her.”

Even in 2015/16. Up and down like a yo-yo. Endless retorts of frustration from me “PLEASE SIT DOWN! I’M HERE NOW. PLEASE LET ME GET THAT FOR YOU!” Over and over. Every day. A person too used to being alone. Too used to just having to get up and do it herself. No one else there.

I’m watching her on the screen…and she just looks lost. Really lost. I’d never seen her look lost before. Determined. Focussed. Busy. Pre-occupied. Happy, even. But never lost. Never confused. Never unsure. Somehow still happy though.

Happy. But tired. And lost.
I awoke feeling further away from her than ever.

Limbo is hell.

Home …

Has never felt so far away.
And no matter how I try and work it…I can’t get out there, yet.
There is just no safety net if something were to happen.

Money is just far too tight right now.
Perhaps if I could borrow the cost of the airfare, to be paid back once money comes my way (and, IT IS coming! I just have no definite date of when, just…soon). That could help.

But unless it could, then…

Nae Newcastle, hen.