But I feel like I mostly learn nothing. Nothing of any worth. The things I wish I felt capable of doing! If I could back myself. If I could believe I had it in me. If I had the intelligence and the strength. The resolve. The fortitude.
If I could be free of the shackles of my inner demons and my own self-induced limitations….oh, what then?
I am possibly capable of love.
Of loving this man far too much.
Of loving posts like these. As he tries to give me hope. And tries to instill good things in me.
A very wise friend of mine told me I need to be better at accepting compliments. That I need to be able to…if not necessarily believe them, then just to be able to accept them. To just say “thank you”, when someone gives me a compliment because to throw it back in someone’s face is an awful thing. That nobody offers a compliment without wanting to. And so to not accept a compliment graciously is then hurting the giver.
So I tried. I tried to accept compliments. But my reactions are so ingrained within my psyche, my acceptance didn’t last very long.
I hate myself so very much. And I know that if I can’t love myself then…
The latest edition of Uncut magazine has a big old interview with Gabriel as well as a feature on the 40th anniversary of the release of Melt – not sure if there is at all any Minds references – I have yet to read it.
There is also a feature on Toots And The Maytals – quite a bit in this month’s mag for a certain Mr Kerr to sink his fangs into.
And for us Bowie fans there’s a look into the recording of the Absolute Beginners single.
I was listening to Billy Sloan’s show on BBC Radio Scotland last night and he played a previously unreleased version of Bowie’s I Can’t Read which is set to be released on a new compilation due out on Record Store Day called CHANGESNOWBOWIE. He then followed it up by playing a cover of Absolute Beginners. Almost immediately I was like “woah, this is pretty good. WTF is this?!”
To my utter amazement, when it finished Billy revealed it to be Steve Harley. My gob was truly smacked. That was NOT the name I was expecting to hear at the end of it. I don’t know whose name I WAS expecting…but it wasn’t Steve Harley’s. But hats off to him. It’s a wonderful version.
Don’t believe me? Here’s the link to Billy’s show. Absolute Beginners plays about 48 mins in. Give it a listen and see what you think.
It’s a track on Harley’s upcoming release called Uncovered. I’d be intrigued to hear the rest based on this track.