I had spent the day trying to quell my endless wave of nerves. A friend had sent me some Rescue Remedy pastilles and liquid droppers. I tried both through the day in the hope they’d help. Did they? Perhaps a tiny bit. I’m unsure.
The weather was dry and I thought about going into the city a little earlier and having a mooch about but I also wanted to finish off the week’s study so I could have today as downtime. I had gotten out of bed later than normal due to a more fretful night’s ‘sleep.’ The dayticked on rather quickly and so once I showered and had something to eat I didn’t feel too keen on the earlier arrival into the city. I decided to go in at 6pm and head straight to the Waterstones in case there was a queue forming outside.
When I arrived, all was quiet. I windowshopped inside for a wee while then decided to head back out on the street and maybe find the nearest pub and see if there were any SM fans that had met up there. Literally on my way out the door, Billy Sloan was coming in. What are the chances?
I stopped as I opened the door looking at him and said ‘Hello, I didn’t expect to see you here! Are you here for Derek’s book signing?’
‘No. Is that on tonight?’ he said to me. ‘I’ve got a book thing up the road at 6.30. I’m just quickly popping in here. When does Derek’s thing start?’
‘7pm.’
‘Well I probably won’t be done until about 9.30 with the thing I’m doing, but if I get the chance, I may come back later.’
He asked me how I was…I didn’t want to lie, but I kind of did inasmuch as I told him that I’ll pretend I’m okay.
Then I said the most audacious thing I probably could have. I must have sounded like a right wanker because I said to him ‘Do you actually know who I am?’ Because I just wasn’t sure if he was aware who he was talking to because he hadn’t addressed me by name at all. It wasn’t until afterwards I thought ‘You idiot! Why did you say that to him? Sounding all “don’t you know who I am” to him. He must have thought I had tickets on myself. Holy fuck!’
Anyway the conversation continued.
‘Well, you have an Australian accent so you could only be one person.’ (Am I the only Aussie in Glasgow?) ‘Three names. Initials L.P.R. Am I right?’
‘Yes, you are.’
‘Actually, I’m thinking of going to Australia next year. Everyone says it’s great and I never hear a bad word about the place.’
After a little bit more banter I let him get on and go into the store and I popped round the corner to O’Neills to see if anyone was about in there. No one I could recognise was in there so I decided to head back to Waterstones.
I went upstairs to the area around the cafe that had been rearranged to host the talk. People were starting to turn up and get their names checked off and taking a seat. I decided to do so as well. It was 6.30pm by this time and I was happy to just find a seat and bide my time. I was still nervous as hell.
Around 20 minutes later a member of staff stood by the stools put in place for Derek and Gavin to sit on and grabbed our attention. He informed us that Derek had made a boo boo and had arrived at the Sauchiehall Street Waterstones and was hastily making his way down to us at Argyle Street but would obviously be running a little late.
A few minutes later, Gavin Mitchell arrived with his dog, Bob (aka Boaby the dug), looking quite flustered as he’d also just legged it down from Sauchiehall Street. Once he got himself settled, he read his afterword inside the book for us. He did impressions of Derek’s moves, and Jim’s as well. He told us how he got to know Derek and how kind they were to let this young lad who’d lost his ticket having made it to Tiffany’s for one of their Christmas shows and put him on the guestlist and let him in on the soundcheck. Ah, thems were the days, eh?
He even got us involved in a bit of Still Game play. He says ‘Now I’ll say, “look who it isnae” and you all say “two pints, prick”, okay?’
Derek finally arrived about 7.15-7.20pm. Sadly not quite on time to call out “two pints, prick” on queue to Gavin’s Still Game play along.
There was fun with the microphones they were given to use. Only one seemed to work properly and in the end they were both ditched. Gavin was great at keeping the conversation going when Derek’s relaying of stories would naturally fall away. Derek told of the ‘shitey’ incident, the meeting of Bowie and Iggy at Rockfield, Olivia Newton-John backstage at the Ritz Club gig in New York (bloody Aussie groupies! Lol).
I think the true star of the night was Bob the dug. He was so well behaved. Such a lovely wee dug. He enjoyed all the fuss he was getting from the fans as well.
After the talk was over, the signing got under way. I hung around the back of the queue hoping for an opportunity to get talking to Gavin. Jog his memory about us meeting almost four years ago to the day when I clocked him leaving the Scottish Music Awards when hanging about the foyer with Rita and Nicolle Mcintosh. When I got the chance I mentioned it to him. He said ‘Oh, I’d have been steamin’ by then. I was putting them away that night.’ We got chatting about my fandom and he’d mentioned that Jim was asked to be in an episode of Still Game but declined to do it and so they got Midge Ure in instead.
A couple came over and asked if they could have a photo with him. The lady said to me ‘You’re Larelle, aren’t you?’ I said yes I was and then freaked out that something bad was going to happen. ‘On the Facebook page, you said something to me.’ All I could think about was that I said something horrendous and she was about to verbally beat me with a stick. I was freaking out! She then said, ‘I said that I’d never met Jim and Charlie and I wasn’t sure whether I should. And much like what Gavin was saying about never meeting your heroes being bunkum, you said that I should meet them if the opportunity arose. So I took the plunge and went to the album signing last year at HMV.‘ She was thanking me. I was so relieved. And it was lovely.
When they had their photo op with Gavin, she was happy to do likewise for me as I stood and posed with him. He said to me ‘let’s snuggle in close.’ Who was I to argue?! Then he said ‘A bit closer’ as we started to coorie. I lost my head a little bit then and said ‘We could get even closer still if you like?’ Dear God…where did that come from? Lol. He feigned shock and said, ‘We’re in a bookshop!’ Lol. They’re great photos, though.
I then joined the queue proper. The nerves flooded back. I was second from last. I had no book for Derek to sign. I wasn’t sure if I was meant to buy one or not. Derek’s publisher had put me on a guestlist but when I arrived at the table where the shop assistant was marking off names, he said ‘Oh, we don’t have a guestlist, just go on through.’
It felt like forever until it was my turn. When I got to the table I said super nervously ‘Hello’, genuinely not knowing what to expect. Derek didn’t let me down. He took the piss out of me immediately. Replying with a mock posh ‘Ooh, hello. How do you do?’ and started curtseying in front of me. I wanted the ground to swallow me up. I said, ‘Oh, please don’t.’ Going absolutely beetroot red and just wanting to run to the hills. I steeled myself enough to say, ‘I’m the notorious Larelle. I don’t have a book. I wasn’t sure whether I was meant to buy one.’ He said ‘Oh, I have one for you but it’s with my gear. I’ll see if I can swap it out for one of these ones here.’ He asked the staff if it was okay and got the thumbs up. ‘Do you want me to write it to Priptona?’ ‘No, to Larelle, please.’ Then I had the fun of spelling out my name but he got it, which is grand. As he was getting it signed he said, ‘I really loved your review. It was great.’ That thing where hindsight is a wonderful thing? I wish I’d have had the brain functionality to reply that he made it very easy because the book is fab but I was so overwhelmed by him reiterating that to me that I just said ‘Thank you.’
We posed for a photo and the man who was last in the queue, who had patiently waited all night for his time with Derek took the snaps. I thanked him once again and he said ‘Thanks for coming, Larelle. Or should I call you Priptona?’ ‘No, please, call me Larelle.’
I left Waterstones on a cloud. All the fear and trepidation gone. It was a really good night.
