Reading today’s post on SM FB, it sounds as if the days of rest have done Mr Kerr a wealth of good. It sounds as if he is in positively rude health in fact. Which is all good.
I’ll stay here in my bunker feeling completely “damned if I do and damned if I don’t.” I don’t feel as though I can make a single right move right now. Everything feels a ‘faux pas’.
I feel like I can’t even talk about things on my own FB feed anymore for fear of being judged. My own fucking feed! I shouldn’t care…but I do.
I don’t feel I should write here either…not about the more personal side of things – like I say, everything feels like a ‘faux pas’. I guess the only person I should be wanting to keep happy is me! Do what makes ME happy and fuck everyone else. And there’s the chicken and egg. One thing that makes me happy is making others happy and if I feel as if I am not making them happy…? Round the cycle goes.
One thing I will mention here is my latest assignment result. I wasn’t going to mention it here because I keep thinking that I shouldn’t talk about my study here. It’s meant to be a Simple Minds and more generalised music blog here. It’s not meant to be as personal as I make it – will I ever get the balance right?
Re: Uni – Latest assignment result was – a 70 mark. Not at all what I was expecting. I thought I’d barely scrape through with a pass. Instead I just scraped into the ‘Good’ mark category. I knew I wouldn’t do as well as I did with my previous assignment (no one was more flabbergasted than me to get 83 on the previous grade) but I am pretty stunned by 70 to be honest. I personally felt nowhere NEAR 70. Obviously my love of music just put me in good stead. Had I chosen any other subject…? Perhaps I would have actually done as badly as I felt.
Next time there is no music to fall back on – the subjects are; philosophy (which I have avoided so far), history and art history (can be a strong subject for me), religious studies and art history (no one is more surprised than me by how much a enjoy religious studies!), and finally – architecture, history and art history – quite a bit of art history spread through the subjects but only lightly touched upon in the assignment topics they’re in.
We’ll see.
Anyway, I’m off to study the architecture, history and art history topic now.
I’ll keep plugging away, every day questioning why I am putting myself through this…