What Dreams May Come

Where do I start?

Perhaps with this morning’s dream. It was a sluggish start for me. I kept on hitting the “snooze” button on my phone. Most days I wake up just before the alarm first goes off. I did this morning as well, but was just only conscious enough to grab my phone off the floor beside my bed and place it on the pillow near my head to be within finger placement for tapping “snooze”. This happened several times (my tapping “snooze” I mean). There is a five minute gap between snooze alerts. When I am particularly sluggish in the morning, that five minutes is more than enough time for me to drift back off to sleep. The snooze will trigger only so many times before it stops completely.

On my penultimate snooze, I drifted into a sleep and a dream. And who should be in this dream but…Mr Kerr. It’s been quite a while since I had a dream featuring him. And it seemed to be a complete happenstance that I was where I was and he was where he was in this dream. A rather nondescript locale that I didn’t recognise. An amalgam of various places.

Jim was sitting on a bench, by a roadside. There was a free seat next to him on his right. I can’t really remember now if he saw or noticed me approaching or not. Perhaps he did. If he did, I’m not sure he let on much that he had done so. 

I sit down. He looks over at me. “Hello”, I say, “how are you?” With a broadening smile he says “Great. I’m just great.” I’m sure there was a little more to the conversation after that. Not much. And nothing I actually recall. Jim was all the time smiling – that content slightly smug look he gets sometimes – looking wistfully ahead of him. Now and then he’d look back at me (no doubt thinking, “are you STILL here, wumman?” Lol) and smile more broadly.

He was wearing a lightweight long sleeve jacket, and he had his hands inside the opposite sleeve, using the sleeves of the jacket as a “muff”, if you will (bites tongue til it bleeds! Lol). I didn’t think I was sitting quite that close to him, but at one point the right sleeve with his left hand inside of it brushed against me. Brushed? I’m not sure. I think he might have deliberately reached out for my arm. Anyway, I was a little startled and a little electrified by the “accidental brush” in equal measure. He saw my visible reaction to it and feigned mild shock and was then slightly apologetic in mannerism. He then made a joke of it by reaching out at the guy sitting next to him on his left, which in turn startled that guy. Jim and I looked at each other and giggled and then ….. SNOOZE ALARM!

I never try to analyse or interpret dreams too much. I just see dreams as the mind’s television. It’s all full of folly. I never go all Freud and Jung on them. They are what they are. Who knows what machinations the subconscious is up to? But if I were to try and decipher it? Well…it had a warmth to it. It felt lovely. For a change I actually felt liked. So do I take it that I have this whole “Jim hates me and can’t stand to be near me” hang-up all wrong? Is it my subconscious saying to me “You’ve got it all wrong, girl! He likes you. STOP WORRYING!” Or, are my dreams and subconscious as deluded as I am?

Deeper analysis aside – it was a lovely yet rather fleeting dream.

And I still have yesterday to talk about yet. More to come on that, but first I must get some study done!

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